In case anyone has been here before, highly doubtful and really I don't care - this is for me, not you anyway.. you'll notice a change. All my old posts are gone. Deleted. Forever. I'm starting over.
In all things. :(
This isn't somewhere I wanted to be. Almost 30 years ago, when Jake and I stood in front of a preacher and said "I do" I thought he would be the person I grew old with. I guess I was partially right, since I do feel old... but all the plans we'd talked about are now gone. We won't be buying an RV when we both retire and travelling the world. We won't be going on that cruise he always promised. We won't get to go to Ireland, Australia, Italy or any of the other places we discussed. Hell we won't even be going to town together anymore.
Not unless I carry his urn with me.
See, my whole life changed October 13, 2023. At 2 AM I awoke to a strange call for help. It sounded kind of like Jake, but very different. I wasn't even sure it was him until I heard "Sammy" mixed in with those "Help"s. I leapt from bed and ran to the bathroom to see my 6'2" husband slumped over the sink. His tongue hanging slightly out of his mouth and unable to stand. The thought that popped into my head was '"this is bad. Very very bad."
After struggling to get him laid down on the bed I called 911 followed by my father. By the time dad arrived, maybe 10 minutes later, Jake was nonresponsive. I never heard his voice again after that. Never saw the blue of his eyes until the nurse pried them open and shone a flashlight into them to see if there was any reaction, there wasn't. My life as I knew it, was over.
And now... I must start over.
