Wednesday, November 14, 2007

When do they grow up?

I won't go into major detail on this post... as the subject of such post is in the other room sitting in front of the TV. So I'll leave it at this, why do some people just refuse to grow up and act responsible? Is it the way they were raised? Is it some chemical imbalance in their brains? Is it just plain stubbornness? Whatever the hell it is, it's annoying as crap and I'm getting so sick of it.
My husband decided to throw a temper tantrum this past Sunday, which left me walking home after a short trip to get some food. He wanted to go eat breakfast at this little Mom & Pop restaurant in the old part of town. Yet never told me until it was too late. He simply asked me if I was getting hungry. I wasn't at the time, but had he said he wanted to go someplace special, I would have agreed. Instead, he waits until 2 hours later (by this time the place is almost closed and running out of breakfast food - I called to check once he finally told me) and gets pissed because it's too late to go.
WTF!? I've always been the one with a hard time making decisions and making my wants known... not him. He always gets aggravated at me for not telling him what I want to eat. Yet he has the nerve to get pissed at me for not reading his friggin' mind when he said he was hungry.
Normally "I'm hungry" means "I want something to eat, but I don't know what... so if you have any ideas make them known." Well, I didn't have any ideas so I proceeded to return to what I was doing figuring he'd speak up again once he'd made up his mind. Finally 2 hours later, when I got hungry he started moping and whining that it was too late to eat where he wanted to.
So we get into the Jeep and head out. Neither of us having any idea where we are going. He mentions this and I tell him it doesn't matter to me... he had wanted breakfast, so let's go get him some breakfast. Well, that wasn't good enough, my friends... and the 2-year-old in him proceeds to make an ass of himself. He tears out of the driveway screeching his tires and hard shifting the Jeep. I told him if he was going to drive like an idiot and rip the transmission out of the thing to let me out. He refused to stop and proceeded to drive even worse... now he's tailgating people with the Jeep swerving in the lane under the pop clutch shifts and quick turns - calling me names the entire time. He stopped at a store to get some smokes, and I got out slamming the door. He made some smart-ass comment about my slamming the door. I flipped him off and proceeded to walk home. It took about half an hour I think. I don't know exactly. I was mad.
He came home about 30 minutes after I arrived and never said a single word to me. I got Sasha in car and took off to the grocery store. Here in lies another of the major gripes I have with our relationship. He NEVER apologizes. EVER. He simply forgets about the fight and pretends nothing ever happened. I do not. Can not. So I spent the rest of the day speaking to the dog, the cat and even myself... but not him. Did he get it? Nope.
Not until I was leaving for work Monday morning did anything seem out of place to him. As I was walking out the door, fully expecting him to be gone back on the road when I got him did the subject come up. He came over to give me a kiss and tell me he loves me. I told him he was lying.
"Why do you say that? Because of yesterday?"
"Yes."
"You know that's not true. I didn't mean it."
And that was supposed to make it all better. WTF!?
This kind of thing used to happen alot... before the "breakup" about two (or will it be three?) years ago. Things had changed after that and he promised to work on keeping his temper under control and his mouth from running off. He gets mad and says some very hateful and hurtful things. After growing up with that kind of treatment from my mom, he knows how hard it hits me... and he said he would try his best to stop it. It seems like he's slowly slipping back to his old ways. And the bad part is, there ain't a damn thing I can do about it now. I sure as hell can't afford the house payment on my own, and I refuse to go live in some apartment where I'm not allowed to have Sasha with me... I WILL NOT leave her behind. I feel like I'm losing control and slipping back into the trap. I guess I should have known... happiness is not meant to be mine. Never has been... never will be.

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